24yr old female - Biual, , straight?! help!?

first off, i was ually abused as a small child, if that helps.my first experience with a girl was when i was 11 and i "received" if you get me. I started dabbling with girls when i was 14, relationships, kissing but it wasnt until 10th, 11th grade that i had real physical/emotional relationships with girls [usually freshman, the dumb, hot ones lol] i didn't have with a guy and wasn't really strongly attracted to or intimate with one period until i was 17 at the end of my freshman year. it was like a light bulb went off and i suddenly wanted to have with guys. the first guy - we didn't date, i just happened to loose it during my first make out session with one, i wanted it definitely. the summer following my senior year there was this guy i was ually insane over and we had a very physical relationship with A LOT of emotionally abusive from his side. i walked after finding out i was pregnant [father was druggy, mental. has NEVER ever been involved doesnt even know where we are]. met someone about a year later, married who adopted my child as his own. he walked out a few days before christmas so im single and have been for 4 years. back to the nit and gritty, basically while i was married i fantasized about woman, it damn near drove me insane! [yes he knew about my past and no it didn't contribute to him walking] i on very rare occasion will see a man, or young guy and think [yeah, i'd like to fuc* him] but its the opposite with girls, i see girls all the time i would like to just #$%@#$% if u get me. there's a fiercely male, dominant feeling and thought train that accompanies these thoughts, also when i actually have had with girls.im tall so im almost Always in charge by default [no complaints], i loose my f'n head and cant think - like im drunk on it, but its frustrating because i don't have the Equipment my brain wants to use [ex: on top and i catch myself making a pointless repetitive motion, if u get me?]. With guys i really enjoy the , being submissive. . .but i have only gotten off twice in my life from heterosexual sex even if the guy has tried oral, im left faking it to the rafters :( and it feels really self defeating, redundant and pointless because im left needing to masturbate, because when guys are done YOUR done. which is a B if u get me. so what is the deal? what could my sexual preference really be? is there something wrong with me?? :(