Im thinking about killing myself, but I don't want to?

My mother who I don't live with is always telling me what a piece of sh*t I am. I live with my grandma and even told her I was thinking of commiting suicide but she didn't seem to care, all she does is sleep and watch TV all day. Im almost 22, I don't have a job because I have extremely bad anxiety to where can't even leave the house. I was in ESE cles all threw middle school and high shool and a very slow leaner. I just no idea what do, no one cares to help. I don't want to kill myself but I feel like I wasn't mean't to be here and its the only way out. What can I do?